i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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