Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
