You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
