We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
