i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
