you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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