living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
