before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
