I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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