Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to calm my uterus...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
