i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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