We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
