I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
