Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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