brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
