either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
