I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
