im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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