All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
