I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
