just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
