One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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