he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
