we're blogging at a bar
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
