is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are a genius and a whore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
