is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
only if we run a train.
done.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
