I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
