I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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