Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
