The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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