I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
