What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
