I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My balls are so social today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
