He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
