I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
