Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
