id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize