If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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