So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
