I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
