the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
