that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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