I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
