this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
