You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
