apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
