He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
