I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
