she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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