Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
