Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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