Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
