listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
