Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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