this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
