This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
