thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
