If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
