I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
