1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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