One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
