"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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