Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
