saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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