Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I touched a dick in church today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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